I don’t know why, but maybe it’s days of moping, crying and just being miserable, that’s finely taken it’s toll. I’ve decided it’s about time I get my act together and return to being ME!! One of the bloggers I follow has inspired me to start a challenge. Working through the alphabet and stating something I am proud of, grateful for etc. Basically shifting the focus from the negative the positive. I refuse to continue feeling so hopeless. And NOT because of a man, a job, a new house or new clothes / hairstyle, because I finally realised that the key to my happiness is within me, and ONLY ME!

So, starting with A. I’m proud and grateful for my Abilities.

I have so many abilities that makes me who I am. I have the ability to learn things super quick. It’s not just that “quick learner” comment to put on your CV; no, I pick things up pretty quickly. Especially in my job. I’m proud of it and it helps me stand out.

I have the ability to listen. To really listen to people. Feel and experience what they tell me. Don’t get me wrong. I can talk till the cows come home, but if a friend or stranger or my child needs me to listen, I listen. Most of the time, people just want to be heard. They don’t want the answers to all their questions, they just need to talk and get things off their chest. What a gift that is. And I’m happy to gift that to anyone that needs a sounding board, be it to vent or just to think out loud.

And then finally as I don’t want to inadvertently cover the whole alphabet when I’ve just stared with A,  I have the ability to love, unconditionally. I am definitely a lover, not a fighter. I don’t like discord. I know there can’t always be harmony, but if I tell you I love you, you will see it, experience it, know it. I love with my whole being, be that the love for a friend, family or that special someone.

Right, so I’ll be back tomorrow to talk about B 🙂

I’m still learning. Life never stops teaching you lessons. What did I learn this past week?

Time waits for no man. I celebrated my birthday this week. On paper I’m 41 now, in my heart I’m 61, in my mind and spirit I’m 21.

My heart ages quicker. It’s been used so much more than the rest of me. It’s loved, it’s lost, it’s been cracked, it’s been broken. I use it every day. I don’t know any other way than selfless love and unconditional giving.

I learned that some friendships are worth fighting for, even when you are angry, sad, disappointed or confused. Some friendships you just don’t give up on. These are the ones that will last a lifetime. The connection I have with a few people can’t and will never be broken.

I learned what it feels like to be physically fulfilled. So much so that I know with every fibre of my body that I will never have that feeling of fulfilment again. To be touched in a way that I didn’t even knew I needed.  To be ‘loved’ and love in return. I have this memory and I wonder if any man could live up to giving me so much pleasure, ever again.

I learned that the low after the high can easily drown you. It takes focus, lots of tears and silent screams to get back to the middle. I am getting better at dealing with the lows. This must be why life gives you these lows. You need to learn, you need to be better prepared for the next one and take it in your stride. I no longer fight these lows. I go with them. I embrace them and deal with them. I’m not afraid. I know that I won’t die. I will only get stronger.

The most important lesson I learned this week. Life has some sad sick twists in its tail for me. A friend told me, the universe can be cruel sometimes. I found out that my physical age does matter. There are certain things that are no longer an option and because of that, I can’t offer what a younger woman can and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing. This is my hardest lesson, there isn’t a solution to every problem / obstacle. For a problem solver like me, this is a hard lesson. I can’t fix everything. I can’t be the right person for the person that is so right for me.