New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust


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Storms

storms

No world is without storms

Some pass overhead
Leaving an uneasy mind

Some are over quickly

Others last…

Hailstones batter your being
Lightning strikes at your soul
Thunder troubles your innocence
Flash floods pour from your eyes

Storms will show you
what you’re made of
what we’re made of

Some storms wipe out
leaving you empty
But empty is only another state of
new

A new beginning


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You fooled me

You fooled me

I still think of how

you fooled me

Not only me…many others

How you deceived and conceived

Did you always have a plan?

To hurt me?

To lie to me?

 

You have no idea of the damage

How many tears I cried

How much I loved

How much I cared

Only when some wisdom comes

(which might never come)

you will realise the full extent

of your devious ways

 

Yes, you fooled me


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Passion

They say that you can be alone, even when there are people around you. You can crave for something even when your every need is met. Restless heart, restless spirit. I am not an easy person to live with. I am not an easy person to understand. I go with what I feel 99% of the time. I am ruled by my passion, my feelings. Is this the right way to be? Is right the right word? Is there wrong in living by your passions? I’m not sure. I don’t think it’s the only way to live, but I do believe that my passion keeps my dreams alive. Without my passion I wouldn’t have any fight in me. I wouldn’t have a reason to get up and live. Live to the full. Take risks, look challenges in the eye and say, dammit, I will not give up. I just won’t give up on my dreams. I will never ever underestimate my worth again and settle for bad treatment. For the glass half empty, for the second best a person can give me.  I will not be hurt like I was. I will remember that I’m a fighter. I will know that the passion I feel helps me to help others. I’m passionate about people, especially the ones I love. I will walk through fire for my friends, my loved ones. I will take the clothes off my back and give it to them if they needed it.

I am passion personified. I have always been, I always will be. This is me and I don’t want to deny who I am. I want to embrace it.

 


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It is so

it is so

 

It is so; love speaks

in a thousand tongues

There are many ways

to love

I choose your love

 

It is so; happiness

begins within

not with him

I choose happiness with you

 

It is so that life’s choices

will lead you on many paths

smooth and tough

I choose to face it with you

 

It is so; life is change

It is as constant as the air moving

the sun rising

I choose the way you change me

 

It is so; your love woke me up

It wasn’t planned, nor expected…

But so needed

 

It is so; I love you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Return to innocence

Love, Devotion, Feelings, Emotions

Don’t be afraid to be weak

Don’t be too proud to be strong

Just look into your heart my friend

It will be the return to yourself

The return to innocence

If you want then to start to laugh

If you must  then start to cry

Be yourself, don’t hide

Just believe in destiny

Don’t care what people think

Just follow your own way

Don’t give up and use the chance

To return to innocence…

Enigma – Return to innocence

 

I dug out some of my old CD’s this week. I forgot about this song. Now it kind of makes more sense than it did when it first arrived on the scene back in the nineties.

I was so moved by the words. So simple but so true! This is the truth. If there is one thing I want to instill in my child, it is to never ever ever care about what other people think of you. I wasted so much of my life worrying about other people and what they thought of me. So much time. I was too scared to speak my mind so many times. There is a way to speak your mind that is not disrespectful, but  the only way to stand firmly on your own two feet. I went about it in the wrong way. I would have probably not even been in those situations,  if only I believed in myself.

You can always return to innocence. You have never been too damaged, too unworthy, too ugly, to renew yourself. I found a way back.  From rape, from embarrassment, from great disappointment,  from failure, from abuse. I found my way back.

 

 

 


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Why do the things we do

Have you ever thought why we do what we do?

How many things, on a daily basis, do you do for yourself?

Work is obviously work, meaning working for a manager, a company. Even when you work for yourself, you are most probably selling something to people, so you are really working for your customers. If you weren’t, customer satisfaction would be low and you wouldn’t be working for yourself for much longer!

That’s 6-9 hours, depending on your working day. Then I get home, I cook for my partner and daughter, I tidy up, I am still doing the majority of what I do, for others. It’s an act of love, but still, not really doing it for myself. I can happily go without a cooked meal every night and play my xbox or read a book 🙂

Even shopping; I hardly ever buy something that’s just for me, accept for the necessities. I always think of my partner and what he would like to do, eat, drink etc. I always wonder if there’s something my daughter needs or if I need to get something for a friend or if it’s someone’s birthday soon.

Now, I’m not complaining, but I wonder if this lack of spending enough time and possibly money on yourself, can lead to some kind of pent up frustration? I find myself sometimes yearning in frustration for some quiet time to write or just..think. Even at the strangest of times.

I think it’s essential to spend time with yourself. Buy yourself that thing that you would get someone else as a gift, but never think of getting for yourself. Take a night off. Tell your family that on this night, you will come home and do nothing…haha…as if

I can already hear my daughter saying, “Really?? You’re going to do nothing?”