New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust


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Leaf me alone

why do I fall

 

One leaf many leaves

Does one leaf maketh a tree?

He turned right, when he left

Or did he turn left?

He leaves her standing

Why do leaves fall?

Leaving the tree behind

 

But the tree can not run

It stands still

left to make

more leaves… or is it

rights?

For not one leaf

maketh the tree,

what it is.

 

What is it?

A strong, beautiful, breathing, living, wonder

 

 

 


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I think

I think…

then that little detail
that little reality
that little act
that little lack
that little disinterest
that little word
that little silence
that little don’t care
that little reminder
that little meaning
that little difference
that little distance
that little affection
that little support
that little innocence
that little “what if”
that little conversation

becomes

big

bigger than it should
bigger than a thought


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Nothing lasts

 

our bodies wasting away
till every step we stray

our minds slowing down
till there’s just a laughing clown

our hearts beating harder
till it becomes larder

our hands holding tight
till we lose our sight

our love blooms like a spring flower
till winter makes us cower

our passion knows no bounds
till it’s killed by the hungry hounds

our lives ebb and flow
till the fires no longer glow

our spirits soar
Nothing can kill it’s roar

our souls are a mystery
therein lies our history
it can’t be changed
it lasts forever


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Sometimes

Sometimes…sometimes…sometimes when you can’t say it. When words escape and you need to let it out, somehow music comes to help. Lyrics that speak so true, you can almost remember writing them yourself in your dreams. Tonight I have no words, but I have this song. This song is me. The piano so beautiful, soulful, sad. The words…so true..so applicable so beautiful and innocent. A song about my soul with sound that no words can express. I have become something I can’t express anymore

 

You are what they call the human season

You are all the alphabet in one
You are every colour of confusion
You are all the silence I’ve become

Love me for
Stupid reasons
I like those most

Wide-eyed but
Worth believing
God knows

Damn the angry voice that keeps us quiet
The editor whose work is never done
Keeping pretty words between my teeth and
Sweet confessions underneath my tongue

Drowsy contemplation
Do I let you in
This is my invitation
But how do I begin?

She has such an awful lot of soldiers
Quite a lovely army all her own
Night and day they stand before the fortress
Very safe but very all alone


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Gone too soon

A bride, soft veil

I remember your wedding day

Pretty as a picture

Full of life and promise

And so a little family started

Three beautiful children

I hardly knew them

But we spoke and we shared

You were always happy

Twenty one years

The time for a child to earn adult passage

That’s how long you had before

the veil was lifted once more

This time, for a kiss goodbye

Rest sweetly my dear cousin

Your laughter now fills the heavens

Your sweetness now scents the air

 

 

 


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Cry my beloved country

It’s been a strange week. A family member of mine was brutally murdered this week. Such a brutal act of hate. I have been struggling to come to terms with it. I feel so numb. I am on strong medication and even crying seems impossible at the moment. My parents have cried every day this week when I spoke to them. And I, I don’t know what to say, how to deal with it.

I have often wished for the ability not to feel and experience emotions this last year of my life and now that it seems my wish has been granted, I am horrified by my ability to continue as normal when the rest of my family is in mourning.

Yet another funeral I will be missing because I’m too far away from home and air travel is too expensive.

I can’t help but wonder when it will be my parents. When will the violent country that I originate from, claim them as victims too.

For the first time, in a long time, I wish I could cry. Cry for a mother torn from her family in a violent way. Scarred and hurt beyond recognition by two men with nothing but hate in their hearts.

Cry my beloved country, cry.

 


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Fire breather

He breathes life into me
Hot, fiery breath
I’m consumed by the flames
I love the burning, I want to burn
Desire takes control
I’m weak, no resistance
I go to a place of pleasure
Fireworks go off in my head
My body shudders
This is ecstasy
I try to draw him closer
He is only hot air
He has no heart
I try to reason with him
He has no mind
He is but an empty husk
The fire burns my soul now
It’s burning me away
My heart turns to ash
I have no heart left
I become a fire breather