Breaking the Silenc3
Here we are, you’re one of my best friends.
But I’ve come here to say this is the end.
You take that one look into my eyes.
You know me so well, you know this is no lie.
Baby, I promise that I will tell you why,
But you have to promise me, that I wont see you cry.
You say ok, but I know you lied.
Before my first words, I see the water build in your eyes.
I let you know that I never wanted to part.
Why would I? You still have me heart.
I begin to explain the life that I live.
“What they can offer, I can never give.
As much as I try to keep the truth inside,
There’s some things I don’t think I can provide.
I know that I say I love you so much now,
Yet at times I worry if…
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I have arrived at a time of nothing. Nothing makes sense, nothing is the same, I feel like nothing I say or do can change it.
I want to talk to someone, yet I know that the one I’ve spoken to before will no longer understand.
So I write, here, to try and make sense of it all.
I am on the brink of realization. I’m not sure if I’m ready for it. When things turn sour in a second. When disappointment becomes so painful that you want to disappear from the world.
When you don’t make it clear what your limits are and someone reaches that limit.. are they to blame or you? Am I to blame for not making it clear how I wish to be treated because I always try and be understanding? I ALWAYS try to understand. Surely there is a logical reason for the actions of others. But maybe there isn’t. Maybe this person was hiding, or maybe I was blind. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. How do I want to be treated?
Am I a toy? Am I a piece of meat? Am I a convenience? Am I a break from the world? Am I a friend when it suits the need? Am I entitled to feel, to express? I so want to express myself, but I end up doing and saying things that are completely out of character. I’m too scared to express, because I’m scared to lose.
I know that I’m not myself right now. I feel different. I feel isolated. I’m not scared to be alone anymore. This is what I feel I will be. Am I entitled to love again? I am in love. I have uttered those words, but they are rejected every time. Is that right?
Please tell me. World, please give me a sign. Free me from myself. Give me a purpose
Similarities drew us together
A drawing in pencil
A picture of two
We shared, we laughed
We drew closer
I wasn’t looking for love
I wanted not to be judged
I wanted to find myself
I longed to be free from pain
So much pain
When I gave up, you didn’t
When you gave up, I didn’t
I looked at you
The picture changed
A drawing in pen… of you
On my body
My fingers trace the inked lines on your body
My heart sees the cuts on your heart
My soul feels the pain in your soul
I let you draw on my body with yours
I feel you imprint love on my heart
I let you paint my soul with hope
How beautifully you use the brush
You colour my world