New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust

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Breaking the Silenc3

Here we are, you’re one of my best friends.
But I’ve come here to say this is the end.
You take that one look into my eyes.
You know me so well, you know this is no lie.
Baby, I promise that I will tell you why,
But you have to promise me, that I wont see you cry.
You say ok, but I know you lied.
Before my first words, I see the water build in your eyes.
I let you know that I never wanted to part.
Why would I? You still have me heart.

I begin to explain the life that I live.
“What they can offer, I can never give.
As much as I try to keep the truth inside,
There’s some things I don’t think I can provide.
I know that I say I love you so much now,
Yet at times I worry if…

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When words dry up

I have arrived at a time of nothing. Nothing makes sense, nothing is the same, I feel like nothing I say or do can change it.

I want to talk to someone, yet I know that the one I’ve spoken to before will no longer understand.

So I write, here, to try and make sense of it all.

I am on the brink of realization. I’m not sure if I’m ready for it. When things turn sour in a second. When disappointment becomes so painful that you want to disappear from the world.

When you don’t make it clear what your limits are and someone reaches that limit.. are they to blame or you? Am I to blame for not making it clear how I wish to be treated because I always try and be understanding? I ALWAYS try to understand. Surely there is a logical reason for the actions of others. But  maybe there isn’t. Maybe this person was hiding, or maybe I was blind. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. How do I want to be treated?

Am I a toy? Am I a piece of meat? Am I a convenience? Am I a break from the world? Am I a friend when it suits the need? Am I entitled to feel, to express? I so want to express myself, but I end up doing and saying things that are completely out of character. I’m too scared to express, because I’m scared to lose.

I know that I’m not myself right now. I feel different. I feel isolated. I’m not scared to be alone anymore. This is what I feel I will be. Am I entitled to love again? I am in love. I have uttered those words, but they are rejected every time. Is that right?

Please tell me. World, please give me a sign. Free me from myself. Give me a purpose



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you_colour_my_world_by_withlove_marcela-d6jhurr.jpgSimilarities drew us together

A drawing in pencil

A picture of two

We shared, we laughed

We drew closer

I wasn’t looking for love

Only understanding

I wanted not to be judged

I wanted to find myself

I longed to be free from pain

So much pain

When I gave up, you didn’t

When you gave up, I didn’t

I looked at you

The picture changed

A drawing in pen… of you

On my body

My heart

My soul

My fingers trace the inked lines on your body

My heart sees the cuts on your heart

My soul feels the pain in your soul

I let you draw on my body with yours

I feel you imprint love on my heart

I let you paint my soul with hope

How beautifully you use the brush

You colour my world