New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust


Leave a comment

I think

I think…

then that little detail
that little reality
that little act
that little lack
that little disinterest
that little word
that little silence
that little don’t care
that little reminder
that little meaning
that little difference
that little distance
that little affection
that little support
that little innocence
that little “what if”
that little conversation

becomes

big

bigger than it should
bigger than a thought


Leave a comment

Nothing lasts

 

our bodies wasting away
till every step we stray

our minds slowing down
till there’s just a laughing clown

our hearts beating harder
till it becomes larder

our hands holding tight
till we lose our sight

our love blooms like a spring flower
till winter makes us cower

our passion knows no bounds
till it’s killed by the hungry hounds

our lives ebb and flow
till the fires no longer glow

our spirits soar
Nothing can kill it’s roar

our souls are a mystery
therein lies our history
it can’t be changed
it lasts forever


Leave a comment

the way you make me feel

 

love, passion, want, feeling complete, feeling cherished and special

I went out Friday night, dinner and dancing. Bottle of red, cocktails, happy drunk. I don’t drink often. I also know my limits. Happy drunk is the perfect point between too little and too much 🙂

Kissing in a dark corner of the club. Dancing to 90s rock and singing along to songs from my younger days, till I had no voice left. Just a big happy smile.

How I longed to be with someone that will take me dancing. I love dancing, I love music.

And I found him. Tall, big, manly man that makes me feel tiny in his arms. Twirling me, dipping me, kissing me, loving me.

Lazy Saturday, sleeping, cuddling, just being. Laughing… a lot! Every time he makes me laugh, I want to melt into him. The way he holds my stare for minutes on end. Beautiful brown eyed boy with perfect lips, perfect nose. I see the love in his eyes. I feel the love in his kiss. He makes me feel sensual, sexy, alive. How I wish I could bottle this feeling. I’d be a millionaire.

Amor vivam 🙂

 

 


Leave a comment

Still

In you loneliness was my ward
So lovely was the loneliness
I never thought of looking

I walked from one moment
To the next
Life passing me by

Thinking that I was already
living
My inner child naive

Now, I taste life
I taste newness
Sweet on my tongue

I explore outside, once more

The trees, the flowers
As spring blossoms
My heart beats again

I sing inside
A song that no one
can silence

You were there at the beginning
You are there, still
Not realising
How much you mean to me

Don’t leave
Lets meet
Lets walk
Hand in hand
Heart in heart


Leave a comment

Sometimes

Sometimes…sometimes…sometimes when you can’t say it. When words escape and you need to let it out, somehow music comes to help. Lyrics that speak so true, you can almost remember writing them yourself in your dreams. Tonight I have no words, but I have this song. This song is me. The piano so beautiful, soulful, sad. The words…so true..so applicable so beautiful and innocent. A song about my soul with sound that no words can express. I have become something I can’t express anymore

 

You are what they call the human season

You are all the alphabet in one
You are every colour of confusion
You are all the silence I’ve become

Love me for
Stupid reasons
I like those most

Wide-eyed but
Worth believing
God knows

Damn the angry voice that keeps us quiet
The editor whose work is never done
Keeping pretty words between my teeth and
Sweet confessions underneath my tongue

Drowsy contemplation
Do I let you in
This is my invitation
But how do I begin?

She has such an awful lot of soldiers
Quite a lovely army all her own
Night and day they stand before the fortress
Very safe but very all alone


1 Comment

Cry my beloved country

It’s been a strange week. A family member of mine was brutally murdered this week. Such a brutal act of hate. I have been struggling to come to terms with it. I feel so numb. I am on strong medication and even crying seems impossible at the moment. My parents have cried every day this week when I spoke to them. And I, I don’t know what to say, how to deal with it.

I have often wished for the ability not to feel and experience emotions this last year of my life and now that it seems my wish has been granted, I am horrified by my ability to continue as normal when the rest of my family is in mourning.

Yet another funeral I will be missing because I’m too far away from home and air travel is too expensive.

I can’t help but wonder when it will be my parents. When will the violent country that I originate from, claim them as victims too.

For the first time, in a long time, I wish I could cry. Cry for a mother torn from her family in a violent way. Scarred and hurt beyond recognition by two men with nothing but hate in their hearts.

Cry my beloved country, cry.