New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust


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Cry my beloved country

It’s been a strange week. A family member of mine was brutally murdered this week. Such a brutal act of hate. I have been struggling to come to terms with it. I feel so numb. I am on strong medication and even crying seems impossible at the moment. My parents have cried every day this week when I spoke to them. And I, I don’t know what to say, how to deal with it.

I have often wished for the ability not to feel and experience emotions this last year of my life and now that it seems my wish has been granted, I am horrified by my ability to continue as normal when the rest of my family is in mourning.

Yet another funeral I will be missing because I’m too far away from home and air travel is too expensive.

I can’t help but wonder when it will be my parents. When will the violent country that I originate from, claim them as victims too.

For the first time, in a long time, I wish I could cry. Cry for a mother torn from her family in a violent way. Scarred and hurt beyond recognition by two men with nothing but hate in their hearts.

Cry my beloved country, cry.

 


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Fire breather

He breathes life into me
Hot, fiery breath
I’m consumed by the flames
I love the burning, I want to burn
Desire takes control
I’m weak, no resistance
I go to a place of pleasure
Fireworks go off in my head
My body shudders
This is ecstasy
I try to draw him closer
He is only hot air
He has no heart
I try to reason with him
He has no mind
He is but an empty husk
The fire burns my soul now
It’s burning me away
My heart turns to ash
I have no heart left
I become a fire breather


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Pig circus

You charm, you disarm
Everyone thinks you’re so kind
I fall under your spell
It’s the gateway to hell
I care, I even love
I lay myself bare
I give you my body, I open my mind
You say it’s not enough
I give you my heart
You say it’s a waste of my time
I try to leave, I’m in too deep
You show me just enough kindness
I hold onto the little bit of goodness
You refuse to believe
Instead you retreat
You recoil; you lift my hand from your body
Like it’s dirty
You refuse to kiss me, I even beg
You behave like a pig
I still love you


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Sunday dreams

home

 

Today there is a place I long to be

Home…

Home with my family

Mum’s cooking

Dad’s stories of childhood

I go outside in search of my canine friend

We play till we’re tired

The lush grass inviting us to rest

My head resting on her tummy

My hand stroking her head

Looking up at the blue sky

Shaping the clouds to my thoughts

Peaceful Sunday

Not a worry in the world

Sunday is the loneliest day of them all