You make me feel safe
Not from the world
From within
You open yourself
You share yourself
I didn’t ask
You can’t help it
Our souls are the same
We are bound by more than love
We understand without words
You are beautiful to me as I am to you
You love my imperfection
I love the way you express yourself
Safe I know I’ll be
In your loving arms, I’ll see
What love can be
It’s not easy taking responsibility for your actions. Especially when you know you acted out of anger or sadness. It’s not easy finding out that someone you love and care about, betrayed you in the worst way. I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I let someone treat me this way. Allowing it, because I didn’t think I deserved better. There is no excuse. No matter the lies and deceit, I don’t want to stoop to that level again.
Newness. There is always a new blank page ahead. Today, the present. The present IS a present! The one we get to open every morning when we wake up.
I realised today that living in the present is the only way. Experiencing the now, and finding the happiness in it. Mundane tasks like cleaning the house becomes a joy 🙂
There is always a way out. I felt trapped, but I always had a choice. It was just a hard one to make. When it comes to difficult decisions, I know I’m capable of making them. It’s time I start believing in myself again and forget about the self doubt and disrespect that was planted there by another over a period of time. I am not what others call me or think of me. I know who I am. I know my heart. I know my intentions.
This week I have lots planned. I’m excited and looking forward to exploring and discovering new places & faces. Life is a gift.
To all my friends reading my blog, thank you for being there for me the last two weeks. I reached out to you in my time of need and you didn’t let me down. My true friends stood by me. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. Love you.
Today the Light of the world was born. I am alone today, but I’m not sad about that. I’ve had a tough year. But the important thing is that I’ve seen the light. I’ve seen past the sheep skin and recognise the wolves hiding inside.
This is a cruel world. Why? Because of cruel people. People that are crueler than you can ever imagine. I’m not talking about criminals. I’m talking about those that don’t do anything that is against the law, but they get away with emotional abuse and treating others badly. They prey on the vulnerable, the insecure, the childlike innocent people, like me.
I’ve been hurt more than I can possibly explain in words by people like this. One in particular. I got mixed up with the master liar this year. One who hid behind lie after lie and one truth. This one truth his only defense. All young ladies, listen to me. Don’t let a man ever tell you you’re not good enough. Don’t let your love for a man forgive his actions, his behaviour. Don’t let love blind you to see what you are hoping to see. Please, only accept the one that tells you you’re beautiful, that treats you like you’re a priority. If he ignores you, he doesn’t care. It’s so simple. It’s so simple. Love is not complicated.
He will no longer hurt me. I am so happy that I’ve seen the light. I’m continuing my walk of freedom. I rejoice in the light.
Today I woke up, looked in the mirror and thought, I’m beautiful. I woke up this morning from a long dream. A year long dream. I’m awake world, I’m awake!
What a year. I have destroyed, rebuilt, destroyed, rebuilt, re-invented, re-discovered, loved, hated, died and most importantly, LIVED!
My emotions are once again under control. Yes, be it with the help of some pretty strong meds, I feel in control again. I feel so much more focused. And more determined than ever. I feel life running through my veins. Excitement, promise. A new year lies ahead and I am walking towards it with my eyes wide open.
What can I say? Do I have words of wisdom to impart? I don’t know. Everyone has to go on their own journey, find their own way back to their equilibrium. What I can say is that there are some amazing bloggers on here. I’ve read a couple of entries that have made me think. Planted that seed of hope. The feeling of being united with others, be it through pain and struggle or happiness and new possibilities, has really helped me.
What I feel the most today is FREE! I feel so free. I am not bound my anything or anyone or any emotions or any feelings of guilt or regret. I’m free again
I’m ready, I’m keen! Watch out world. I’m going to make a difference
Colour. You might wonder why colour? Have you ever “assigned” a colour to something like a day (blue monday common one) or an emotion (love is red) or anything really. I do. Like love; for me it’s grey. Because love is never straightforward, it’s never black and white. Or time; for me it’s white. Because time only moves forward. Not backwards. Therefore time is the present and the future. A blank page, waiting to be coloured. And as life happens, I colour it.
My recent timeline has been painted with dark colours. Black, dark blue, brown, mauve, with little dots of green and red scattered at random. Times when someone told me something profound or went out of their way to support me, to comfort me. Yellow is my favourite colour. It’s warm, vibrant, the colour associated with the sun. I’m very much like that when I’m at my best. A warm vibrant, kind and considerate person.
So why would I be grateful for colour? Because without it, I would just be a blank page, but with it, I’m more. I’m still alive. I’m still using my imagination and turning what was predominantly a dark world, into a brighter one. And hopefully, I bring some colour to the lives of others too.
Bestie. My best friend is a crazy, interesting and just overall amazing person. And so is his Mum. I can probably write a book about him ( maybe I should!?) and there are many things I can say about him and our friendship.
What I can say without a shadow of a doubt is that he has been there for me at my darkest hour. He has supported me and have shown more patience than all the saints combined. He is not perfect, but he is the perfect best friend for me.
I’m grateful, lucky and blessed to have a best friend like him.
Love you dude!
I don’t know why, but maybe it’s days of moping, crying and just being miserable, that’s finely taken it’s toll. I’ve decided it’s about time I get my act together and return to being ME!! One of the bloggers I follow has inspired me to start a challenge. Working through the alphabet and stating something I am proud of, grateful for etc. Basically shifting the focus from the negative the positive. I refuse to continue feeling so hopeless. And NOT because of a man, a job, a new house or new clothes / hairstyle, because I finally realised that the key to my happiness is within me, and ONLY ME!
So, starting with A. I’m proud and grateful for my Abilities.
I have so many abilities that makes me who I am. I have the ability to learn things super quick. It’s not just that “quick learner” comment to put on your CV; no, I pick things up pretty quickly. Especially in my job. I’m proud of it and it helps me stand out.
I have the ability to listen. To really listen to people. Feel and experience what they tell me. Don’t get me wrong. I can talk till the cows come home, but if a friend or stranger or my child needs me to listen, I listen. Most of the time, people just want to be heard. They don’t want the answers to all their questions, they just need to talk and get things off their chest. What a gift that is. And I’m happy to gift that to anyone that needs a sounding board, be it to vent or just to think out loud.
And then finally as I don’t want to inadvertently cover the whole alphabet when I’ve just stared with A, I have the ability to love, unconditionally. I am definitely a lover, not a fighter. I don’t like discord. I know there can’t always be harmony, but if I tell you I love you, you will see it, experience it, know it. I love with my whole being, be that the love for a friend, family or that special someone.
Right, so I’ll be back tomorrow to talk about B 🙂
Today I visited the coast. I hardly spoke today. Maybe a laugh here a word or two there. I spent the day contemplating. What I’ve become. How I’ve become.
The sea speaks to me. It’s the part of nature that makes me feel more alive than any person can.
And then, standing on that treacherous cliff top, looking down at the sea, relentlessly smashing into the side of the cliffs, I found my peace. My safe place.
I have not seen anything so beautiful since May. The sun ignited the grass and turned it into pure gold. The sea, the bluest of blue colour. The sound of waves crashing into rocks. The smell of the salty air, hitting my face and making my hair curl :). The warm feeling inside, contrasted with the cold on my cheeks. The taste of my tears as they touch my lips on their way down.
All five senses, in overdrive. I left a bit of myself there today. I threw down the cliff, into the sea. In return, I’m taking a lot of myself back home with me.
I am happy. I am free… free from wanting to be something I could never be. I only want to be me. Embrace myself. Live again. Without fear.
the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters …
Either everything seems important or nothing does…I don’t know what will come. Re-reading my chapters I feel regret, but also a sense of accomplishing so much in short periods of time. How I overcame the tragic event that still haunts me. How I broke two hearts. How I gave birth to a little miracle. How I left everything I know for the unknown, not once, but twice.
Do I really want to relive, re-read some of my chapters? I will re-read but I don’t want to relive. May my adventure begin again. A new adventure full of promise, possibilities and unknown treasures.
Today I’m feeling better. So much better. What I write; it’s a way of getting rid of my bad. My worst. I lay it down on the paper and it leaves me. It’s like a fire escape. Before the fire consumes me, I let it burn onto the paper.
I met with a close friend tonight. I’ve known her for three years. She is the most beautiful amazing lovely person. I love her so. I was telling her about my week. The ups and downs. More downs than ups. She listened and looked at me and said. I’ve just realised something about you that I never realised before. You don’t do anything in half measures. You do everything to the full. You love to the full, you feel everything to the fullest and then you fall in the worst way one can fall. She asked me if it didn’t scare me or even scare others that I feel so much, so intensely. I never realised this either. Maybe I scare people. She said she had never experienced anyone like me, ever. I’m so different.
What if I scare people…Is that my problem? How did I become like this? An extremist in a way. I am a very passionate person. Maybe it’s my star sign. Aries are known for their passion and fire. Have I been pushing people away with this behaviour? Do I overwhelm others? Do I need to change?
These are the questions that pop into my head. Should I really change for others’ sake? Or just reel myself in?
I have no idea. Who has all the answers? No-one does. For now, I can only be the person I am. You will either understand me or you won’t. But know this. If I have your back, you know you’re covered. I will lay down my life for the ones I love. I will fight and protect them as far as I can. I will be there when you need me. I won’t think twice. It’s who I am.
New Beginnings 