New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust


Leave a comment

The Piano

piano

My fingers strike the keys
Gentle, harder, louder, softer
My soul connects with the black and white keys
88 keys to unlock me
As my hands move, I feel the stirs of passion
I’m lost in the composers’ creation
It fills me with joy & hope
Each piece becomes my own interpretation
My love for this instrument mends the cracks
I’m whole again, one with the melody

Timeless and limitless
I want to live, I want to love


Leave a comment

Tears

Tears

Tears that burn like acid
Leaving deep lines on your face
Bitter sweet tears you taste for a while
Tears that run like rivers between your soul and your heart
Tears that fall when you least expect them
A single tear that falls solo before you stop the rest
Tears you cry alone and no one sees
Invisible tears that you hide from the world because you have to be strong
Tears you don’t hold back and they cleanse your soul
Tears you share with others because you feel their pain
Tears you let loved ones see because they need to know you’re human

The tears I don’t want to cry anymore

Tears over past events
Tears in matters I have no control over
Tears for people that don’t appreciate me
Tears for men that uses me
Tears of anger
Tears of regret
Tears because I think I’m not good enough
Tears that tears us apart


Leave a comment

Mr Perfect

Mr perfect, with all your charms
You like the ladies attention
But none of them is worth a mention
You guard your heart
You blame your past
How convenient and deviant

Your hearts been broken
No love can be the token
To fit the slot
Just like a clot

It only gets stuck
Girl, you’re out of luck

One girl’s hopes and dreams
Her heart already shattered

You will hurt her too
Shame on you


Leave a comment

My flower

Flower

No-one can love me now
Shattering realisation of time lost
My body reverberates from the cost
Don’t fall in love with me
You will only get hurt
I can never be yours, never my own
I am the poison that will take your life
I am the addiction with no respite

Walk away and leave me here

But then the flower blooms in the snow
The desert rose blooms with hardly any moisture
The flower that only blooms when consumed by fire
The rare flower that blooms once in a lifetime

I am a rare exotic flower
I’ll bloom only in the harshest of circumstances
Waiting for the right gardener
The right nuances
Will it be air, water or fire
The man that sees the desire

It will take a special man
One that recognises the unrecognisable


Leave a comment

Loss

loss

We all experience loss at some stage of our lives
The loss can be sudden, or gradual; both equally distressing and profound in its effect on our life.
The death of a loved one or a pet. The end of a relationship. Relationships can end gradually resulting in days, weeks, months or even years of anxiety, confusion, unhappiness, unhealthy obsession and regret leading up to the ultimate demise of the partnership. One party in a relationship will always feel more loss than the other. This is inevitable in the relationships that are doomed to end. The reason for this is the imbalance of commitment. Only when both parties are equally committed to the relationship, will it stand a chance to last or at least bring joy and happiness to both  involved.
There always seem to be a new relationship around the corner for most, or time can heal, or rebound love or obsessing over something new, often in the form of an addiction. We eat, we drink, we smoke, we shop.
I am angry. I am angry that what I protected and cherished was taken and lost and no amount of time or begging with the powers that be, or crying, or mourning or anger can restore it.
I was saving myself for the right one and because it was taken against my will, I started giving myself away. To the boy that didn’t really care, to the boy that had no self confidence, to the man that denied his identity his whole life. To the men that have no respect for women. To the man that can’t commit. To the man that doesn’t understand his own heart. I’m easy now. I don’t value my sexuality. It  has slowly but surely devalued over time until it has become something I give away without thought or fear of the consequences. There is one I long to give myself to, truly give myself to. Will he appreciate it? Will he truly understand the passion I harbour in my body, soul, mind…
Please, please let me not give in vain anymore. Show me mercy


Leave a comment

When you hurt

When you hurt, you hurt alone

I’m hurting, I’m hurting.

Alone, always alone

No one can share the hurt with me
They can’t climb under my skin
Merge their thoughts with mine
Feel the ache I feel
No one can truly understand what is killing me from the inside out

Hurting is a lonely experience
Reserved for the one that’s hurting
Open myself… wide open
But it doesn’t help, it doesn’t want out
What can extract the pain?
What instrument is best for this task?
I am searching for a method
I need a hurt surgeon