New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust


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Shadowman

you appear when there’s light
only an outline
of a man
nothing inside the lines
you think outside the lines
hand held up to the sun
you hide behind
always there
forgotten but attached
at night you can’t be seen
invisible
you convince her
you left

 
but you’re observing
waiting
waiting
for the light


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Clair de Lune

moonlight-piano

 

Soft pale moonlight

Filtering through my window

I stare at the black and grey

I get up and make my way to a familiar place

I find it without trying, so well I know it

Soft white, dark black contrast

My mind doesn’t think

My fingers know

I play with the moon shining on my back

Nothing brings more joy to my soul

Chopin, Liszt, Rachmaninoff, Tchaikovsky

And Debussy

Clair de lune by moonlight

Eternal night I wish for

To play and never stop

This way my soul forever content

My thoughts forever at peace


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Controlled

ripped

Happy on the inside

Sad on the inside

Controlled sad

Not consuming me

Not emotionally debilitating.

 

Controlled;

Artificially for now

 

Ripped apart connection

Another scar to live with

 

Controlled sadness aches

A dull ache in the centre

of my being

A cure there is not

Only a control

 

The controlled sense of loss

The logic to recognise that

What’s been lost through this degree of hurt

Can never be recovered again

 

Controlled I live

 

 

 


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Losing you

losing-you

 

A person I’ll never see again

A person I’ll never hear again

A person I’ll never hug¬†again

A person I’ll never laugh with again

 

One I’ll never go exploring with again

One I’ll never experience the new with again

One I’ll try to forget every day

One I’m forced to sever all ties with, again

 

I didn’t lose him to death

I lost him to life

Would death hurt any less?

Maybe

Maybe not

This is what losing a friend

Feels like


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Sunday dreams

home

 

Today there is a place I long to be

Home…

Home with my family

Mum’s cooking

Dad’s stories of childhood

I go outside in search of my canine friend

We play till we’re tired

The lush grass inviting us to rest

My head resting on her tummy

My hand stroking her head

Looking up at the blue sky

Shaping the clouds to my thoughts

Peaceful Sunday

Not a worry in the world

Sunday is the loneliest day of them all

 

 


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thoughts

thoughts

the hidden thoughts

I hide from myself

how do I stop them

from sneaking up?

I cry no more

dry as sand

no way to let it out

therefore I write

I want to forget the truths

hidden amongst the lies

the disgust

hidden behind a meaningful touch

weeding out the bad

remember the reason

i was always sad

why do the good

always outshine the bad?

 


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silent piano

silent-piano

 

 

I used to play you

every day, every free minute

twenty three years you stood

in my living room

moved fifteen times

never broken

never false

I hear the sound

I see the stains

on your keys

behind closed eyes

how i loved your colours

how i made you sing

forever my amputated fingers

will play in a key of U

 


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Happiness

boat

Happiness my old friend!

Where have you been?

So long since I last felt you

 

I dug a hole and

called it Love!

A created a world and

called it You!

I dug a grave and

marked it Me!

 

I closed up the holes

and destroyed a world

 

On an island

A shipwrecked body

Many happy memories

Many bad habits

Countless inner reflections

An infinity of hope

Sails made from happiness

I build my boat

 

This is how I begin again