I look at my thoughts. My mind. It’s a mess in there. Many thoughts, feelings all mixed with uncertainty and confusion.
Fear, sadness. My main emotions. No one falls in love with misery. While I’m in this state of mind, no-one can love me. I try to get away from these emotions. I so want to experience happiness again. I was happy, so very happy, not too long ago. But then it started to crack. My thoughts of unworthiness picking away at the happy thoughts. And now, not thriving, because I wasn’t built for this misery.
My true self hidden beneath layers of change. Every change took it’s toll on my mind.
I need to move again. Moving my body stops my mind from moving. When my body slows down, my thoughts speed up. I want to walk. I can’t wait for my holiday. I’m going back to a special place. A place where I feel free, alive and happy. My Eden. My paradise.
This new years eve I want to start fresh. No new years resolutions. Just going back to me. The person I was, always have been. The innocent, beautiful girl that smiles easily, that takes life in her stride. The one that anyone would be lucky to have in their life. The genuine girl that gives freely but also only accepts the respect she is worthy of, in return.
I will be whole again. Not because of anyone else. Because I miss me the most, and only I can bring me back to the land of the living.