The unknown, the uncertain, the nothing guaranteed, the challenge, the future. Imagine we knew exactly what was going to happen in our future, but because we knew, we couldn’t change it. Someone hands your parent / guardian your future when you’re born; your life certificate. Parents can see what will happen in their child’s life, they can see all the mistakes, hurt, happiness, love, good times and the day their child will die. When a child turns a certain age, they are handed a copy. Everyone knows exactly what will happen to them, but nothing can be done to change any of the outcomes on that future plan. You are stopped from intervening, changing your mind when you know you’re going to be make a bad decision or preventing your final destination; death. Maybe a good idea for a dystopian science fiction movie, but the reality is, the future is a dark realm that no light can penetrate.
What I do know from past experience is that I will not be exactly the same person tomorrow that I am today. My personality will be the same, but the way I see life and love will be different. My face will look the same, but how I feel about myself will be different. My eyes will be the same, but how I see things will be different. My ears will be the same, but how I listen when people talk to me, will be different. My mouth will be the same, but who I choose to kiss will depend on more than just a need. My skin will still cover my body, but how I let myself be touched will be different. My hands will still be there, but what I use them for will be different. My feet will still be there, but who I choose to run to, or from, will be different. My heart will beat till the day I die, but who I open it to will know what it is to be loved, even if not forever. My mind changes because I’m a female and it will always be that way, but I’m looking forward to the moments when it is well and truly made up. I can’t change my sex, but I can change with whom and why I have sex. The way I love will not change, even if I thought it had. I will always love with my whole being.
My soul will be with me always and will never change.