it was hard to become soft again
it was not easy turning it up
but here (hear) I am
ears in your hands
still I fear
for every time
I hold dear
I can’t hear
sing that song again
the one we heard
a long long time ago
i want to feel that way
with you
let me hear
I came across an old email by chance today. It brought back memories of a time lost; or that’s how it feels now…but can time really be lost? No. Every moment of my life brought me to where I am right now. Take any of it away and things won’t be exactly as they are now. How can you appreciate the warmth of the summer sun, if you didn’t endure and survive the bitter cold of the winter first?
it was winter when I first felt love again
my awakening new
but ’tis was not love
it was hope and promise
winter became spring
and spring, summer
sweet wind blew
and we were
scorched by the summer sun,
cooled by the autumn rain
a harvest of discontent
winter returned
and ruby blood stained the
bright white snow
snow melted slow and painful
little bits of me
melting away too
an echo remained
one from far away
a voice calling me home
home; place of rest
place of peace and comfort
place of safety
dwelling of tranquillity
a heart, bigger than mine
I met
I didn’t know…
I didn’t know
how could I?
is it always unexpected?
sweet spring blooms
in my heart
I want to cherish it
I want to hold it dear
a beautiful flower
unfolding in the warmth
of the loving sun’s arms
love, passion, want, feeling complete, feeling cherished and special
I went out Friday night, dinner and dancing. Bottle of red, cocktails, happy drunk. I don’t drink often. I also know my limits. Happy drunk is the perfect point between too little and too much 🙂
Kissing in a dark corner of the club. Dancing to 90s rock and singing along to songs from my younger days, till I had no voice left. Just a big happy smile.
How I longed to be with someone that will take me dancing. I love dancing, I love music.
And I found him. Tall, big, manly man that makes me feel tiny in his arms. Twirling me, dipping me, kissing me, loving me.
Lazy Saturday, sleeping, cuddling, just being. Laughing… a lot! Every time he makes me laugh, I want to melt into him. The way he holds my stare for minutes on end. Beautiful brown eyed boy with perfect lips, perfect nose. I see the love in his eyes. I feel the love in his kiss. He makes me feel sensual, sexy, alive. How I wish I could bottle this feeling. I’d be a millionaire.
Amor vivam 🙂
After what seems like a lifetime, I’m back. No words came to me, but once again they woke my slumber. I feel as if I’ve woken from a long sleep filled with some nightmares, but mostly quiet peaceful reflective rest. The question to one of my biggest worries has been answered and I’m truly present once more.
I’m hungry for rejuvenation. I’m content in my own skin. I’m happy with those I have in my life right now. I want for nothing but to fill the paths I cross with happiness.
I see, I feel, I touch, I share, I regret no more. I am normal…within my normal.
Maybe it’s the beautiful cent of spring blossoms in the air. Maybe it’s the promise of life that spring brings. Mostly it’s forgiving myself for my past…truly forgiving myself.
In you loneliness was my ward
So lovely was the loneliness
I never thought of looking
I walked from one moment
To the next
Life passing me by
Thinking that I was already
living
My inner child naive
Now, I taste life
I taste newness
Sweet on my tongue
I explore outside, once more
The trees, the flowers
As spring blossoms
My heart beats again
I sing inside
A song that no one
can silence
You were there at the beginning
You are there, still
Not realising
How much you mean to me
Don’t leave
Lets meet
Lets walk
Hand in hand
Heart in heart
It’s been such a long time since I wrote…anything! My life is busy and great again. I find it difficult to write when I’m not sad or struggling with something or the other.
It appears I’m experiencing a sadness hiatus which is a big change from last year.
Currently I’m  seeing a really great guy. Wow, it’s only when you are treated the way you deserve to be treated that you realise how bad and selfish someone else treated you in the past. It’s so refreshing and safe.
Two deaths in Feb did remind me once again of how precious life is and how it’s so easy to lose sight of this through the hustle and bustle of every day life. The other aspect that death always highlights to me is that people are never told half the things while they’re still alive than what is said at their funeral. Isn’t this so strange? I try to tell my loved ones how much I appreciate and love them as often as possible. I even did a little experiment and wrote an obituary to my closest friends and family and I try now to tell them these things. When they die, I can use the same obituary but stating that i told them all of this while they were alive and well.
You just never know when your time will run out..
Later x
Sometimes…sometimes…sometimes when you can’t say it. When words escape and you need to let it out, somehow music comes to help. Lyrics that speak so true, you can almost remember writing them yourself in your dreams. Tonight I have no words, but I have this song. This song is me. The piano so beautiful, soulful, sad. The words…so true..so applicable so beautiful and innocent. A song about my soul with sound that no words can express. I have become something I can’t express anymore
You are what they call the human season
You are all the alphabet in one
You are every colour of confusion
You are all the silence I’ve become
Love me for
Stupid reasons
I like those most
Wide-eyed but
Worth believing
God knows
Damn the angry voice that keeps us quiet
The editor whose work is never done
Keeping pretty words between my teeth and
Sweet confessions underneath my tongue
Drowsy contemplation
Do I let you in
This is my invitation
But how do I begin?
She has such an awful lot of soldiers
Quite a lovely army all her own
Night and day they stand before the fortress
Very safe but very all alone
How many times
do I contain you?
We stand face to face
Which way does the scale
tip
It is merely direction
What if one:one
is what we are
It is merely numbers
No instead let’s
fluctuate
It is merely
life
A bride, soft veil
I remember your wedding day
Pretty as a picture
Full of life and promise
And so a little family started
Three beautiful children
I hardly knew them
But we spoke and we shared
You were always happy
Twenty one years
The time for a child to earn adult passage
That’s how long you had before
the veil was lifted once more
This time, for a kiss goodbye
Rest sweetly my dear cousin
Your laughter now fills the heavens
Your sweetness now scents the air
New Beginnings 