New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust


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Words are powerful. They can make or break a person. Whispering words of wisdom can empower, encourage, uplift and help move someone forward. Choose KIND words to heal one’s spirit – Ritu Ghatourey

Words, so many words and sometimes so little. Why are we so scared of saying how we really feel or don’t feel? I tell you it is worse to not tell someone how you don’t feel than to spare their feelings and keep quiet. The absence of words is equally unkind as choosing kind words. There are those that want to remain closed, unwilling to share themselves with anyone, even the people they claim to care for. I’m an over sharer. I can’t be pretentious or keep it all in. I’ll explode. People know where they stand with me. If they don’t I was probably having a really bad day.

Having said that, I realize that I have said a lot of things to men these last couple of months that’s just not true. Yes, I lied a lot. I can therefore maybe not be too harsh on my catfish. I lied when I thought it was what the other person wanted to hear. Big error when it comes to being true to yourself. In doing so, I’ve left many men thinking I’m something that I’m absolutely not. Yes, I have physical urges, but I’m not the sex craved woman I’ve led some to believe. I wanted to please them and say the things I thought they wanted to hear. When I then suddenly wanted them to know the real me, they were left confused. It’s my own fault but lesson learned. Be kind to yourself, no matter what. Know what you want and don’t steer away from it, even if you really want that person to like you. It’s not worth it. It will only end badly. You only need the people that likes you for who you really are, in your life. Pretending to be something you’re not or liking something you don’t, will eventually become apparent. This only leaves a lot of confusion, feelings of being misled and you will only end up doubting your own needs and desires.

I have studied a lot of ‘dating’ rules and the does and don’ts of conversing with men. Don’t tell them too much, don’t tell him how you really feel until he does, don’t send him a message first, you’ll seem desperate. If he doesn’t text you, go into ‘no contact’ and even ignore him when he messages you. The list goes on and on. I don’t have the energy or time to learn these or even follow them. It’s time consuming and exhausting. I can’t be waiting for something that’s never going to happen. When it’s right, when it’s the right person for you, there are no rules. Just be yourself. If he can’t handle it, then that’s his problem. It’s not you. Everyone can’t like you, and that’s OK. The least you can do is present everyone with your true self. Don’t change for the sake of anyone. You will only make yourself unhappy and lose yourself in the process.

Here’s to stopping the bull shit and just being myself. No more playing along for his sake or trying to find, or worse, create love where there is none on offer.

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