New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust


Leave a comment

Parking ticket…booo

If there is one thing I hate the most in this world, it is injustice. Nothing gets my back up like it. When I see people being taken advantage of, or taken for a ride, it just infuriates me.

I have been going to the same movie theatre for a couple of years now and always park in the same parking area. I have never paid for my parking because when I enter my registration details upon departure, it has always come back with 0.00 to pay. So great was my surprise when I received a parking ticket in April for not paying. I contacted the parking company (all via email – no calls) and explained that I have never had to pay and that I never take a receipt as it’s 0.00 charge. Their only response was to send me a photograph of the parking metre showing that a charge of 2.50 is charged every two hours. I definitely stayed more than 2 hours on each occasion, but it always told me 0.00 to pay. I explained this to no avail. The fine was for 100.00 and it just did my head in that I am expected to pay this amount for a charge that I was told is 0.00. I went back and took photos and this time I kept all my 0.00 receipts.

In principle, I refuse to pay this. I appealed and it was rejected, again the same photo of the charges board, used as evidence. On one visit, as I once again stood staring at the charges board, a couple approached and said they received a fine and they can’t for the life of them understand why, because they have always paid nothing after 18h00.

Today I received a letter from a debt recovery agency…the fine has been increased to 160 and if I don’t pay, I’ll be taken to court.

Why I’m writing all this, I would really like to know if I am being unreasonable? Why when the machine tells me I have 0.00 to pay would I give it money? The logic…there is no logic. Sooooo…I’ll be in court one of these days. A new experience for me, but still part of the adventure that is life. In the meantime, I’m accumulating 0.00 receipts…

🙂


Leave a comment

Calm

I lie on my bed, listening to the fan’s blades slicing through the warm air. I contemplate my life and how much I have changed in the last couple of months. A calmness I can’t quite explain, has become a part of my life, of me.

I consciously made some changes in my life, but a lot of these changes filtered into my subconscious because of the changes I made to my thought processes. I no longer sweat the small stuff. I don’t really get upset anymore. When I find myself in a situation where I feel I might lose control in any of it’s forms, I become aware of my breathing and I slow it down. I tell myself that each one of us, every single one of us on this planet, have our own struggles. Each person has a demon or two to deal with and today, maybe the other person’s demons are dominating them.

So, peace..where is this peace coming from? Acceptance. Only accepting your past for what it was, accepting your present and truly being in it, and accepting that the future is a mystery.  Nothing is certain. Nothing. Instead of letting that scare me, I accept. I turn the fear of uncertainty into a joy of what exciting untold stories that await. Yes, there will be sadness, regret, disappointment, but I know that the joy, fun and laughter will always shine through.

and I’ll keep breathing, in…out, slowly but surely.

 


Leave a comment

If you can’t then..

I went out exploring with my kid yesterday and discovered the most beautiful forest, a pond filled with waterlillies and the old ruins of what looked like pretty big estate from centuries ago.
I started thinking how amazing the world can be right under our noses.

How come it took me ten years to discover this place? I believe that we see what we want to see, or better yet, we see what we expect to see. This is how things are missed. We reach points in our lives where we think, this is it, it doesn’t get any better, or I have found what I’m looking for. But today I implore you, rather think, there is more to discover; my little world is small and I haven’t seen the rest of the world. Think big, look for the small, the inconspicuous, the hidden. This is where the adventure begins 🙂

P.S. In my opinion, scenes like this started the impressionist art form.

FB_IMG_1494848046921


Leave a comment

I didn’t know

I came across an old email by chance today. It brought back memories of a time lost; or that’s how it feels now…but can time really be lost? No. Every moment of my life brought me to where I am right now. Take any of it away and things won’t be exactly as they are now. How can you appreciate the warmth of the summer sun, if you didn’t endure and survive the bitter cold of the winter first?

it was winter when I first felt love again
my awakening new

but ’tis was not love
it was hope and promise

winter became spring
and spring, summer

sweet wind blew
and we were
scorched by the summer sun,
cooled by the autumn rain

a harvest of discontent

winter returned
and ruby blood stained the
bright white snow

snow melted slow and painful
little bits of me
melting away too

an echo remained
one from far away
a voice calling me home

home; place of rest
place of peace and comfort
place of safety
dwelling of tranquillity

a heart, bigger than mine
I met

I didn’t know…
I didn’t know
how could I?

is it always unexpected?

sweet spring blooms
in my heart
I want to cherish it
I want to hold it dear

a beautiful flower
unfolding in the warmth
of the loving sun’s arms


Leave a comment

the way you make me feel

 

love, passion, want, feeling complete, feeling cherished and special

I went out Friday night, dinner and dancing. Bottle of red, cocktails, happy drunk. I don’t drink often. I also know my limits. Happy drunk is the perfect point between too little and too much 🙂

Kissing in a dark corner of the club. Dancing to 90s rock and singing along to songs from my younger days, till I had no voice left. Just a big happy smile.

How I longed to be with someone that will take me dancing. I love dancing, I love music.

And I found him. Tall, big, manly man that makes me feel tiny in his arms. Twirling me, dipping me, kissing me, loving me.

Lazy Saturday, sleeping, cuddling, just being. Laughing… a lot! Every time he makes me laugh, I want to melt into him. The way he holds my stare for minutes on end. Beautiful brown eyed boy with perfect lips, perfect nose. I see the love in his eyes. I feel the love in his kiss. He makes me feel sensual, sexy, alive. How I wish I could bottle this feeling. I’d be a millionaire.

Amor vivam 🙂

 

 


Leave a comment

Awake

 

After what seems like a lifetime, I’m back. No words came to me, but once again they woke my slumber. I feel as if I’ve woken from a long sleep filled with some nightmares, but mostly quiet peaceful reflective rest. The question to one of my biggest worries has been answered and I’m truly present once more.

I’m hungry for rejuvenation. I’m content in my own skin. I’m happy with those I have in my life right now. I want for nothing but to fill the paths I cross with happiness.

I see, I feel, I touch, I share, I regret no more. I am normal…within my normal.

Maybe it’s the beautiful cent of spring blossoms in the air. Maybe it’s the promise of life that spring brings. Mostly it’s forgiving myself for my past…truly forgiving myself.

 


1 Comment

Long time

It’s been such a long time since I wrote…anything! My life is busy and great again. I find it difficult to write when I’m not sad or struggling with something or the other.

It appears I’m experiencing a sadness hiatus which is a big change from last year.

Currently I’m  seeing a really great guy. Wow, it’s only when you are treated the way you deserve to be treated that you realise how bad and selfish someone else treated you in the past. It’s so refreshing and safe.

Two deaths in Feb did remind me once again of how precious life is and how it’s so easy to lose sight of this through the hustle and bustle of every day life. The other aspect that death always highlights to me is that people are never told half the things while they’re still alive than what is said at their funeral. Isn’t this so strange? I try to tell my loved ones how much I appreciate and love them as often as possible. I even did a little experiment and wrote an obituary to my closest friends and family and I try now to tell them these things. When they die, I can use the same obituary but stating that i told them all of this while they were alive and well.

You just never know when your time will run out..

Later x