New Beginnings

Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust

Category Archives: Love


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I didn’t know

I came across an old email by chance today. It brought back memories of a time lost; or that’s how it feels now…but can time really be lost? No. Every moment of my life brought me to where I am right now. Take any of it away and things won’t be exactly as they are now. How can you appreciate the warmth of the summer sun, if you didn’t endure and survive the bitter cold of the winter first?

it was winter when I first felt love again
my awakening new

but ’tis was not love
it was hope and promise

winter became spring
and spring, summer

sweet wind blew
and we were
scorched by the summer sun,
cooled by the autumn rain

a harvest of discontent

winter returned
and ruby blood stained the
bright white snow

snow melted slow and painful
little bits of me
melting away too

an echo remained
one from far away
a voice calling me home

home; place of rest
place of peace and comfort
place of safety
dwelling of tranquillity

a heart, bigger than mine
I met

I didn’t know…
I didn’t know
how could I?

is it always unexpected?

sweet spring blooms
in my heart
I want to cherish it
I want to hold it dear

a beautiful flower
unfolding in the warmth
of the loving sun’s arms


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the way you make me feel

 

love, passion, want, feeling complete, feeling cherished and special

I went out Friday night, dinner and dancing. Bottle of red, cocktails, happy drunk. I don’t drink often. I also know my limits. Happy drunk is the perfect point between too little and too much 🙂

Kissing in a dark corner of the club. Dancing to 90s rock and singing along to songs from my younger days, till I had no voice left. Just a big happy smile.

How I longed to be with someone that will take me dancing. I love dancing, I love music.

And I found him. Tall, big, manly man that makes me feel tiny in his arms. Twirling me, dipping me, kissing me, loving me.

Lazy Saturday, sleeping, cuddling, just being. Laughing… a lot! Every time he makes me laugh, I want to melt into him. The way he holds my stare for minutes on end. Beautiful brown eyed boy with perfect lips, perfect nose. I see the love in his eyes. I feel the love in his kiss. He makes me feel sensual, sexy, alive. How I wish I could bottle this feeling. I’d be a millionaire.

Amor vivam 🙂

 

 


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Awake

 

After what seems like a lifetime, I’m back. No words came to me, but once again they woke my slumber. I feel as if I’ve woken from a long sleep filled with some nightmares, but mostly quiet peaceful reflective rest. The question to one of my biggest worries has been answered and I’m truly present once more.

I’m hungry for rejuvenation. I’m content in my own skin. I’m happy with those I have in my life right now. I want for nothing but to fill the paths I cross with happiness.

I see, I feel, I touch, I share, I regret no more. I am normal…within my normal.

Maybe it’s the beautiful cent of spring blossoms in the air. Maybe it’s the promise of life that spring brings. Mostly it’s forgiving myself for my past…truly forgiving myself.

 


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Still

In you loneliness was my ward
So lovely was the loneliness
I never thought of looking

I walked from one moment
To the next
Life passing me by

Thinking that I was already
living
My inner child naive

Now, I taste life
I taste newness
Sweet on my tongue

I explore outside, once more

The trees, the flowers
As spring blossoms
My heart beats again

I sing inside
A song that no one
can silence

You were there at the beginning
You are there, still
Not realising
How much you mean to me

Don’t leave
Lets meet
Lets walk
Hand in hand
Heart in heart


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Sometimes

Sometimes…sometimes…sometimes when you can’t say it. When words escape and you need to let it out, somehow music comes to help. Lyrics that speak so true, you can almost remember writing them yourself in your dreams. Tonight I have no words, but I have this song. This song is me. The piano so beautiful, soulful, sad. The words…so true..so applicable so beautiful and innocent. A song about my soul with sound that no words can express. I have become something I can’t express anymore

 

You are what they call the human season

You are all the alphabet in one
You are every colour of confusion
You are all the silence I’ve become

Love me for
Stupid reasons
I like those most

Wide-eyed but
Worth believing
God knows

Damn the angry voice that keeps us quiet
The editor whose work is never done
Keeping pretty words between my teeth and
Sweet confessions underneath my tongue

Drowsy contemplation
Do I let you in
This is my invitation
But how do I begin?

She has such an awful lot of soldiers
Quite a lovely army all her own
Night and day they stand before the fortress
Very safe but very all alone


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Gone too soon

A bride, soft veil

I remember your wedding day

Pretty as a picture

Full of life and promise

And so a little family started

Three beautiful children

I hardly knew them

But we spoke and we shared

You were always happy

Twenty one years

The time for a child to earn adult passage

That’s how long you had before

the veil was lifted once more

This time, for a kiss goodbye

Rest sweetly my dear cousin

Your laughter now fills the heavens

Your sweetness now scents the air

 

 

 


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My friend the wind

 

wind

I’m listening to the wind

they say it howls

but what if it sings?

I remember running

Feeling the wind play with my hair

Walking on a beach

The wind turning small grains of sand

into stinging insects

Thunder in the distance

No wind…calm…and then

the wind comes to life

it carries the smell of rain

Till you feel each sweet drop on your face

A face turned into the wind

Smiling, loving, cherishing

That, which no-one can control

The wind blows the dust away

It cleanses

A wind has swept through my soul

I believe in that which can not be seen

And yet…

The results are so visible

 

 


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Love

 

mother-daughter

I have wondered many many many times what love is. What is it really? How do you know you love, truly love, someone.

I found the answer in my daughter. You see, I’m very certain, with her more than any other person, that I love her.  I look back and try to see how this love came about.

First, there was the bond or connection. It wasn’t love it was a bond. A child / mother bond. Seeing this little helpless baby, so dependent on you, you start to care. I cared about her needs. I fulfilled her needs. Then she started becoming more dependent. First walking, then running! I had to give her room to explore and discover things for herself. She then developed her own thoughts and her own mind. She started making choices. I guided, but never forced. I explained or let her see the consequences of actions. Be it good actions or bad. I made sure she understood respect from a young age. I built foundations for her. Foundations she can turn to when I’m not around. I taught her about courage when faced with difficult situations. I support her. I don’t know at which point I loved her, but it wasn’t something I had to think about. I just know.

Therefore, love is to me:

A connection

A sense of being needed

A place where there is space for yourself to be yourself

An emotion built on strong foundations of respect & trust

A gift of unconditional support

A feeling that grows over time, without working at it, or trying to create it.

Love happens slowly. Lust happens fast.

Once you truly love someone, it’s almost impossible to stop.