I started reading a book about self esteem. Reading it tonight my eyes were opened by the explanation of what self esteem is. Without quoting the entire book, it states that we assign value to events from our past and these values, influences how we see ourselves.
This is really the core of my self esteem problems. The thoughts I have with regards to events from my past and the value I’ve assigned to them. I just read a post that talks about acceptance and how thoughts and the state of mind you put yourself in, is not permanent but fleeting. Just a moment. How I feel now, but tomorrow there will be different thoughts and a new state of mind.
I seem to have started the really bad process of focusing on bad events from my past. Thoughts of these events. Replaying these events in my mind, like a kind of groundhog day movie mind experience.
But for every one bad event, there are a hundred good ones. There is! I have so many happy events to remember to help rebuild my thoughts. To get out of groundhog day and get to independence day! Will Smith is much cooler than Bill Murray, accept for Ghostbusters 🙂
Events I loved. Many many happy events growing up. Family reunions, holidays at the seaside. Graduating with my entire family there and a killer party with the cousins and friends afterwards. Being promoted to office manager and leading a large team of amazing people with whom I grew and came to love. Receiving a reward for my work and leadership. Moving to a new country and discovering new cultures and ways of living. The birth of my daughter and how her face was the most beautiful, perfect thing I’d ever seen. Making decisions, hard decisions, but in the hope of a better life. Making friends that will be with me for the rest of my life. Being strong enough to accept where I am and that I need help.
These are the events that shaped me and are still shaping me. These are the events that I will focus on and build myself up again.