This is a bit of a sticky situation. What do you do when you miss talking to that one person that really has the ability to make you feel better in a way that no-one else can. Even stickier, what if this one person is the reason you’re feeling bad.
I need to write about the pitfalls of mixing sex with friendship, especially a really good friend. Someone you truly connect with, understand and care for. This is a place I wouldn’t recommend anyone to venture to. It’s a place filled with confusion, blurred lines, new dynamics and ultimately the loss of a really good friend. Is having sex with a friend devaluing that friendship? Yes! One or both won’t be able to deal with it. I’m not talking about someone you have known for ten seconds and decide to have a quick roll in the hay with. I’m talking about a friend that you have shared a lot with. Someone that probably knows what you’re thinking or how you feeling by just looking at your face. Someone that has been there for you and helped you through some dark moments. Someone that knows you and cares for you.
Men and woman are so completely different when it comes to sex. Woman are emotional beings. I feel everything. It helps me to nurture and be a good mother. It helps me to show compassion in situations where most would say walk away. It makes me soft and feminine. But it also makes me so vulnerable. That vulnerability in the right hands is something special that two people will share. But in the wrong hands, even if these hands were safe before, really just equals hurt. Nothing hurts like being vulnerable with someone and they don’t appreciate it. In fact, they don’t think anything of it because they didn’t ask for it. Being vulnerable is a decision, yes driven by some pretty strong emotions in the case of a woman, but still, these emotions can and possibly should be repressed. Men, well sex is sex. A good physical feeling. No emotion. I think if a woman had an orgasm every time she had sex, maybe it would become the same for us. A good physical feeling, but unfortunately women don’t have orgasms every single time they have sex, so instead we need to get something else from it. An emotional connection with the man we are with.
Taking all emotions out of the picture, I know I will be friends with him again, but it will take some time. Time to heal, time to learn how to deal with life without this person. Becoming less dependent on him and learning more about my own strength. Another lesson learned, another little bit of the old me, dead.